Rap – Back to the Future (with Kahleb)

[Intro: Kahleb]

This would be the first out of body experience of three that I'd go through in the very same night. As I would come to console a rapidly aging representation of myself, I learned many truths about the stranger I'd long since abandoned. Little did I know that this would be the self-help session of a lifetime.

This is the re-telling of the conversations I shared with a younger version of myself at the ages of 4, 13 and 18 respectively.

[Verse 1: Josh & Kahleb]

I turn four today, but it's been my worst birthday unfortunately,
Mum and dad fought till they thought divorce was the way
To retort their fate of everyday being a crash course in pain,
Of course they say I ain't the cause but four years ago all was great,
An act made forcibly, they were faced with bills they couldn't afford to pay
Implored the state they were too poor to conform to the norm to raise
They swore to stay, but were torn away due to the enormous stakes
Listen, it's hard to envision but it'd all be different if you'd been born today,
Yeah you're right… ‘cause they were too poor ‘cause they had to pay for me,
If I remained in eternity they'd be okay financially,
I am practically the catalyst of why they won't die happily,
No me? No damaged marriage, no lacking cash and no fighting angrily,
I know it stung cause, left hurting, you felt like a burden of young love
But I'm certain that it's merely the circumstances that turned the baddest
Nowadays they've matured and learned to ration instead of rationalizing what happened
Later on you'll all be living it up, but sometimes wonder if you visit enough,
They fought a lot, but they also fought together,
They cherish their memories as parents even to the ending,
Dumb in young love but because of me now developed,
… Yeah, you know what? I feel a lot better

[Verse 2: Josh & Kahleb]

I turn thirteen today, but it's been my worst birthday unfortunately,
I was cursed, scorned and shamed in school, torn foot to face,
My “friends” just turned away as I was forced from play,
Now I lay, scorn as pray, sure I'm born a mistake,
Floored, you say? More like what you endured will forge the way
To ensure the mates you make one day ain't formed in vain
Those who ignore the traits will be swarmed with snakes
Just know the road goes both ways, don't absorb a dormant fate,
Just a long term solution not constituting an instant resolution,
Hiding in my room, esteem ruined due to loneliness polluting,
Friends? Can't make new ones as confidence is loosened,
Now feel like a nuisance, stuttering when trying introducing,
We're all spineless humans when peer pressure's applied into it,
I should know because introversion makes me certain to decline intrusion,
Never go through life just cruising, fight, dispute their views then,
Apply the fusion with someone who finds your likeness soothing,
I thought I didn't have the greatness but since I've fought I've developed patience,
Learned how to flip their hatred from making me go bananas to going apeshit,
They did damage but I ain't wasted and now I've ingrained ways in
My brain to enforce what they saw in me in the first place, yeah

[Verse 3: Josh & Kahleb]

I turn eighteen today, but it's been my worst birthday unfortunately,
I'm on the verge of morphing, changing into a new form of me,
But with that I'm not assured I've claimed a sure fate and it's haunting, need
To ensure it'll all be okay ‘cause I don't see a way I fade an unforgotten great,
Struck by age, around your time and mine I started writing to disrupt my ways,
"Think about your prospects, has it dawned yet?", remember, that's what mom said,
Been a while since I've seen her, but it's good advice to heed as a dreamer,
Keep believing in the reason you avoid seeing things as bleak and fevered,
But how do you believe when your beliefs never cause disbelief?
She's the only one that sees something more than average deeds,
My entire reality I've been abnormal but can't capture being an abnormality,
Believing without achieving is being seen as a lost being needing a grasp on actuality,
Excuse the informality, but reality? We're chatting analogies
Amass your own goals, and see where the paths will lead,
It's baffling how it seems that that's the practicality
When I feel like there's so much out there yet that I haven't seen...

fuck...

I turn twenty-five today, but it's been my worst birthday unfortunately,
As my memories relay how much time I've wasted in sight of things,
Plussed my days, but nonplussed when I discovered that not much has changed,
Wish I made the most of my better days, wish I didn't ghost every friend I made,
Don't let regret dictate you, that's a product of expectations,
There's no time limit set in place for anything, you'll get everything with patience,
And there ain't a thing detaining you from reacquainting with those you played with 
So claim the unattained, only in death are your best days not waiting to be forayed in,
I've never attained a structured life, ingrained what'll fuck up and I suffer twice
Other times I arise and touch the skies, no consistency, I consistently question myself
Cause we're both sheltered misfits, but with split anecdotes our mental health's depicted
Ironically I think your lines of questioning helps diminish that which is self-inflicted

[Epilogue: Kahleb]

I turn twenty-seven today, and it's been my best birthday ever fortunately

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