Rap – Fuck Online Trophies (The Platinum Anthem)


Recently paid for a game I frequently played in ‘08,
Being able to reacquaint was immediately great,
A needed escape, I beat the campaign
And wanting more thought I'd seek what trophies remained,
Slayed every enemy necessary, flexed dexterity in boss fights,
Wrecking many against me, claiming what's mine,
Now at 95 percent I check what's left for the last 5,
That's when I see the last trophy for the platinum is only online,
Cursing ‘cause the servers stopped working in 2015,
Now my dumbass is sitting there like “well shit, fuck me”,
A time waste is the outcome, like a Chris Brown album,
Fuck him and everyone that thinks online trophies are welcome,
So I brush myself off, it sucks quite a lot
But I've got some months off so another one I'll get got,
Boot up PlayStation All-Stars, most of the trophies I pop
Then see the last is online only, scream “oh my fucking God”,
But this time the servers are still up so some hope remains,
I play a practice game then enter the foray,
Platinum trophy in sight, an online fight is made,
That's when I see who I face - maxed out stats and cheating ways,
My character’s some inbred level 10 asswipe
So these sweaty motherfuckers make me go 0-9,
The terrible trend lasts five days, as bad as Chris Brown's album on Spotify,
I fucking hate that tool, but not as much as trophies needing online


One day I'll find a platinum needing trophies solely offline,
Till then I'll cry as I'm beat by no lives online,
Friendship ended with Sony, now the Switch is my best friend,
Fuck Chris Brown, my patience has ended

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