Video Script – The Forgotten PS2 Platformer

I look at an obscure PS2 3D platformer that features writing as good as Shakespeare’s and voices as perfect as videogamedunkey’s. I also expose how bad of a liar I am in the video’s description.

Note: the writing with a strikethrough is cut content.

Man the PS2 had so many classic platformers. Ratchet & Clank. Jak & Daxter. Legend of Kay. Sly Coo- hold up. Now most of you are probably wondering “what the hell is Legend of Kay”? Well, Legend of Kay is a 3D platformer and hack and slash game released in 2005 for the PS2. In the title I note how it’s “forgotten” but, well, that’s not entirely true, because while it has been forgotten by most consumers, someone at THQNordic seems to be mega fan of the game because since its initial launch, despite having poor sales, it’s had a spinoff on Nintendo DS, port on PS3 and remaster on PS4, Nintendo Switch, the Wii U, PC, my dick… You know those Ape Escape and Simpsons: Hit & Run remasters you’ve been asking for? Nah we can’t do those… [here comes the money starts playing] but Legend of Kay? [plays in background while clips of fighting gameplay play while I ad-lib reactions]

Alright but what actually happens in Legend of Kay? Well, the story follows, uh, Kay as he stops this dude [show Shun in sexual pose] [aroused “oh…”] from destroying The Way, which is the thing that keeps society in check or something, honestly it’s not a game you play for the story and this is touched on about as much as I’ve touched on it here. So what do you play it for? Well, let’s jump into the game and find out.

Despite a thin story, the game has full voice acting which is really cool. Let’s see what it’s like

OK so they cast a ten year old as the protagonist, but… maybe that’s because they were more focused on the side characters and world building, and thus didn’t put as much effort into the main character

[frog]

Uh, ok, so they made two mistakes, that’s not entirely unreasonable…

[another frog]

[cut to cutting my wrist]

I mean, you can at least understand them, that’s good, yeah

[can someone translate sequence]

Frog voices:

That Voice Though… 1-2

What Accent Is That Meant To Be?

BARS FAM 16

What The Fuck Even?

Can Someone Translate?

[on That Voice Though… 2, also note missing “heard” in subtitles]

Alright so the voice acting isn’t so great, but maybe they make up for it with fantastic writing

[So Much Cringe]

OK so there’s one bad scene but…

Shit jokes & puns (yell “stop” progressively louder in between each):

Jesus Christ…

10/10 Best Joke Of All Time

10/10 Best Pun Of All Time

I’m Done lmao

Some of you might be saying it’s only like this because it’s a kids game and… yeah, maybe you’re right

Who is this game for?:

Kay Got No Chill (have me saying “woah” after it (have like 5 takes overlapping))

Crocodile got no chill

Rabbit got no chill

See I thought the same, but then there’s numerous instances where someone randomly swears and, like, who is this game for??? One minute you have the ten year old protagonist hurling schoolyard insults and the next you have a rabbit telling me to go fuck myself

This level of writing seeps over into the characters, especially Kay. In the script for this video, I have this section labelled as “Kay is a tool” and I feel like that sums it up in a nutshell. For example here, there’s this poor guy who has had his village raided and life threatened and Kay is his only hope… (after that clip) and he’s this much of twat the entire game

Kay is a tool (lead into romance bit):

Kay Is Savage 1-3

The Fuck’s He On About?

K(ay) Then

[BTTF3 “he’s an asshole”]

What makes Kay even more confusing is the love interest. Throughout the game you have Kay flirting with a girl called Su Ling. Well, I say flirting…

[sweet threads clip, ends with sexy music playing and maybe romantic looking colour correction, “peak male performance” text, etc.]

But then, towards the end of the game, Kay and Su Ling are finally alone together on a ship, and Su Ling is actively trying to start a conversation with him. And he could not sound less interested if he tried

Confusing romance (lead into singing ship section):

Sliding In Those Panties 1-2

Kay The Conversationalist [zoom in on “sure”]

Speaking of the ship, the ship section is actually really cool because it lets you roam around and freely talk to the people on the ship

[singing clip]

Uh, okay, thanks for that. Let’s try someone else

[another singing clip]

O-ok, thank you…

[singing clip followed by more and more coming in while I ad-lib reactions of anger]

[bit about trans panda]

Also, there’s this panda who has a female character model but this voice [clip, cut off half way through] Yeah that’s enough. This is either a huge oversight or the developers being ahead of their time, but based on the quality of the rest of this game I know which one I think it is

All of the pandas in this game are complete tools, to be honest. There’s this one, for example, who is a little too into the idea of me doing the boar racing minigame


[Yang The Sexually Aggressive Panda]

Alright calm down

And there’s THIS guy here

[BARS FAM 6]

Uh, okay…

[Well That Turned Dark Quickly]

Je-sus, no, thank you

The rhyming is actually a trend I noticed with this game. Everyone talks in rhymes occasionally for no logical reason

[few BARS FAMs]

OK well, what about the gameplay? Surely THAT’S the redeeming quality of this game. Fortunately, the 3D platforming is really fun. It’s tight, responsive and, while there’s nothing crazy, the levels are generally well designed. Such as this section here where…

Spinning platform section:

Derp

Damn It

Ok so that was just the one section but…

Glitches:

Dafuq

Found Glitch Into Crocodile Temple

No Fucks Given

As alluded to, there’s also these boar riding minigames and, yeah, they’re really fun. As you can see here…

Game Fucks Me 2-4, 1 (maybe have as own section, noting how the boar riding is fun but then playing these clips and having me get progressively frustrated – after this note I have soft spot for though because I was #1 on leaderboards at one point, with screenshot)

At least the combat’s fun… no really, the combat actually is fun. It’s fast, intuitive, requires you to switch up your weapon choice occasionally. It’s Sleeping Dogs meets God of War meets a 10 year old who’s a tool to everyone, I dig it. Plus you fight the damn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at one point, conclusive proof it’s the best game on the Nintendo Wii U Entertainment System trademark.

Fun combat:

Get Rekt 1-5 (maybe show 2 while doing adlibs, like commenting how it’s much better for beating up plants than Mario)

Good Fight 1-3

And for those wondering about the format the game uses, it follows the open, Jak & Daxter esque formula which, again, is really nice… at least, it would be if you could actually go backwards. Yeah, this game’s level design is exactly like Jak & Daxter except you CAN’T go back. Once you’ve done a level, that’s it until you start an entirely new game. Yep, that means missable collectibles. Yep, that means I will never touch this game again [maybe have clip of me putting it in the bin]

Destroyed out of nowhere:

Rekt 3

Leftover clips of terrible writing (could use in background or something):

GOAT Insult 2

GOAT Insult 12

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