Satire – Narcissistic NPC Devastated World Doesn't Revolve Around Them

In an interview with our site, local farmer and shopkeeper E. Relly Phunt detailed his struggles as an NPC.

“I spend almost my entire day toiling away at these crops,” Phunt told us, “yet everyone always rewards the guy running up walls and beating up children instead. I don’t get it.

The worst part is, I have to be nice to that guy because he’s the only person who buys things from my shop. Someone else might walk up to my stall from time to time, but they just stand there moving their arms and miming words. I’m on the verge of bankruptcy, even just an actual conversation will distract me from my anguish for a moment.

Not to mention the guy is an asshole to me too. There’s been so many times where he’s knocked me out and stolen my money, but I just have to act like everything’s fine when he returns or I don’t sell my six potions for the day”.

We wish Phunt the best in his future endeavours.

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