Satire – RPG Protagonist Realises He Has a Hoarding Problem

Last week, RPG protagonist Chu’lak the Great came to terms with the fact he has an issue with hoarding.

“I know when it started,” he told our reporter in an interview at the nearest checkpoint, “The Grand Wizard of Time told me I was the chosen one and gave me a rusty sword to help with my quest. Of course, such a sword wouldn’t suffice so I kept upgrading. Before long, I had amassed a collection of swords, shields and armour sets, none of which I bothered selling because I was convinced a future party member might need them.

But then, it kept going. I found three loaves of bread and purchased a few potions. ‘Oh, The Destroyer from the Sixth Dimension is just around the corner, I’ll save it for that’, I told myself, but I just reloaded my last save whenever the fight didn’t go my way. I now have 964 potions and 2493 loaves of bread, 2450 of which are moldy”.

Wanting to help the young warrior (of the Universe), we attempted to take the items off of his hands. Alas, battle music started playing and we found ourselves in a turn based duel with him. Unfortunately, he isn’t ready to give up the items in his 50 foot backpack just yet.

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