Satire – Bowser Gets Demolition Crew to Remove Conveniently Located Platforms Leading into His Lairs

Evil genius Bowser recently employed a new tactic to try and thwart longtime rival Mario. 

In all their encounters, Mario got the better of him. At first, Bowser blamed himself. “Is it because I only repeat the same attack over and over? Is it because I never buy armour that protects the head? Is it because I only have enough muscle to take three light jabs from a middle aged man before I tumble?”

Bowser was looking out of his window while thinking this, prompting him to notice the outside of his lair. Right there, clear to everyone, was a perfect line of blue platforms headed directly into the secret entrance of his castle. How did that get there? How did he not notice that when touring the castle before purchasing it? Why is it still there despite this being the 546th iteration of his castle?

Regardless, Bowser got a demolition crew to remove them and has since had no issues. In fact, Mario appears to have given up, as he’s now turned his attention to playing olympic sports with a hedgehog. And playing tennis. And golf. And go karting. And beating up children in a fighting tournament.

Our reporters believe Mario is in a midlife crisis.

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