Satire – FPS Protagonist Takes Personality Test, Learns He Doesn’t Have One

FPS protagonist Lieutenant Commander recently discovered he has no personality, after an online personality test informed him that killing your own parents and having a gruff voice aren’t personality traits.

When it told him this, his immediate response was to slow down time and start shooting up the room. Fortunately, bystanders were able to hide behind nearby tables that just happened to be flipped – they perfectly protected the bystanders from the bullets. “If only the carpenters in Hyrule had wood of this resiliency,” one of them noted.

Lieutenant is now seeing a therapist for his anger issues, has joined a book club to meet people who could help him find an interest and has received a 20 year prison sentence for attempted murder.

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