Note: this is a scrapped, unfinished script (accompanied by some reference photos for lines that would have referred to a shot in the video). I scrapped it because I feel it’s not substantial enough to be an entire video. Regardless, I still like a lot of the content so I hope you enjoy it.
[Show “literary aficionado”] I’m somewhat of a literary avocado. I own the Guinness World Records 2009 Gamer’s Edition, have read three pages of the Assassin’s Creed III prequel book, and have written a novel that was described by a world renowned literary agent as “not for me.” So, when millions of no one asked for a YouTube video about video game cheat code books, I knew I was the guy for the job.
Our story begins in 2005. (TODO: overview of 2005) I’ve played all of my PS2 games a million times and can’t buy a new one because [“POVERTY” in red with an audio cue], so I need a new way to have fun in the games I already have. Playing San Andreas without cutting anyone isn’t cutting it and the only thing rap music is helping me with is seeing the advantages of beating women. I need something new. I need… cheat codes.
My immediate thought is “the Internet.” During this time, the Internet is filled with thousands of video game guides. All of them starting with an image made out of letters. All of them made by someone who is super into RPGs, for some reason. All of them, featuring button combinations that cause some weird shit. I rush to my computer and, at the sight of my empty desk, realise “oh yeah” [show “poverty” again] I go to a friend’s house but remember, this is 2005, a magical time where downloading a low quality photo of Meg Ryan’s leg hair takes seven hours. I found that out the hard way. There’s no way I could load THESE pieces of art.
Dejected, I head home with my head low. That’s actually the opening lyric of my new rap song, but it’s also what I did. However, my mum is just arriving home from work and, consequently, is creating a ray of hope. Through the power of her driving and her credit card, we’re able to go to the library. A place filled with computers that can download a photo of Meg Ryan’s leg hair in THREE hours. That’s the future!
For a while, this setup worked for me. I’d go to the library every week, frantically jot down cheat codes from Gamefaqs before the library’s 10 minute timer ran out, then returned home to give every NPC a rocket launcher. THIS WAS A MISTAKE [over San Andreas footage of explosions going off everywhere, quick cut to CJ wasted] However, it still wasn’t ideal. Luckily, the glory that is UK supermarkets exist and, while walking through one with my mum’s credit card, I stumbled upon the holy Bible itself. [Every PS2 Cheat Ever book] I then exited the Church I accidentally walked into and found this cheat book.
This came with a gaming magazine, as most of the cheat books I own did. At the time, I liked cheat code books because of that convenience – having the cheats to Britney’s Dance Beat on hand at all times is the greatest luxury a man can buy. However, I like them in hindsight because they act as great time capsules of the era. Going into the noughties, gaming systems had a reputation as being kids toys. The logic was “most games are bright and vibrant, therefore they’re only for children.” So on behalf of Society circa the 1990’s, if you’re someone who ISN’T a goth or emo, you’re a child, go fuck yourself.
This caused gaming publications to adopt an edgy tone to appeal to the teens, dawg, so I love these cheat books in hindsight because they capture this trend beautifully. The motto for this magazine is *sigh* “Playing PS2 Longer, Harder, Faster”, really clever guys, brilliant. The book apparently contains HOT CHEATS, HECK FRICKING YES. And every cheat book had this thing on the back,
promoting their hotline by saying it’s her number, as if that would make people more likely to call. Some guy called Keith answered instead though, that was a very disappointing day for me.
Also, this was “compiled by gaming experts.” [Clip of me Googling a cheat code and reading it out on the phone] I am now a gaming expert, like and subscribe, cunts! Also also, Every PS2 Cheat Ever. Really? Now, this came out in 2004 and the PS2 ended production in 2013, so either the entire game development industry ceased production for the PS2 upon the arrival of this book, or this title is like me on Valentine’s Day – it dated itself. I also like that this is the “updated” version – maybe just update the title? So you don’t need to release updated versions every two days?
This leads me to my next point though. The personality of these books. While some of them were just copy and pasting then calling it a day, gaming expert style, books like this one actually contained a lot of informality and fun. The Star Wars: Battlefront section opens with a joke about how, despite not being Luke’s father, they’re the daddies of the game, and this book delivers the legal disclaimer in the form of a threat.
What made these stand out versus the Internet guides and their Mona Lisa rivalling creations, though, was how part of this personality was influenced by the readers. Many books realised that you can’t fit every single cheat code into one book, guys [show Every PS2 Cheat Ever], so the books were structured around reader requests, such as Shrek Superslam being included because reader Connor Hickey asked for it.
I respect this guy’s priorities. This was especially great because every book included the top 10 most wanted of that month,
immortalising the fact that the video game adaptation of Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End was once more in demand than Resident Evil 4 and Pokémon. Printing costs clearly weren’t a thing then, though, because (TODO: repeating name joke)
But of course, the best part about these cheat books was what was inside them. Cheat codes were so great because (TODO)
So if these were so great, why did they end up like me inside – [“dead” with audio cue like “poverty” from earlier] Well, because cheat codes died. And why did cheat codes die? And when will I stop asking questions and answer one of them? [shot of an entire page of questions] Well, there’s a few reasons cheat codes died. A lot of them are kinda sad so who’s ready to be depressed? [Reddit logo] Okay I know you guys are but who else is? Yeah, alright nice. Well, a lot of developers replaced cheats with something that can make them money. Cheats that allowed you to play the game in an unorthodox way became a new game mode part of DLC or the next online update. Secret weapons were now unlocked through gambling. Cheats that changed the character’s skin were replaced with cosmetic microtransactions, most of which are serious fashion statements.
I’d say it’s also because using cheats became frowned upon.
Every PS2 Cheat pg10 - Britney " " pg79 - Star Wars Battlefront Year's Greatest Cheats - first page bottom disclaimer Most Wanted Cheats with 5164 pg21 - Shrek Superslam " " at start - Top 10 Most Wanted